baby-pigeon-in-the-trench-coat: spainstateofmind: thebadwolf: Fun party trick: put Skittles and M&M’s in the same bowl, wait for someone to grab a handful. you can go fuck yourself my mum did this and didnt tell anyone so when my sister put a bunch in her mouth she spat them out and started crying and now she has trust issues
things I can’t imagine someone having a crush on me someone randomly seeing me and thinking ‘wow she’s cute’ someone getting happy because I messaged them first someone thinking about me, in general someone wondering how I am someone finding me attractive someone doing something to try and impress me someone asking their friend on what to say to me someone wanting to get to know me
You will hear thunder and remember me, and think: she wanted storms.– Anna Akhmatova (via hellanne)
flutterlings: the whole yahoo/tumblr thing is rly just like when a single dad marries a new woman and the kids get rebellious and are like “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM”
partybarackisinthehousetonight: mermaidpirate: partybarackisinthehousetonight: if you’re ever feeling lazy just remember that the ancient greeks believed their gods lived on top of a very climbable hill but no one even bothered to check Did you really just call Mount Olympus a hill? sorry. BIG hill
r-e-belle: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.
John Green: I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, then all at once.
John Green: Chicken nuggets are like my family.
attains: attains: if i were a murderer i’d be the febreze murderer and lead my victims blindfolded to undisclosed locations and i’d ask them what they smelled and they’d be like “omg ocean air and tulips” and then i’d rip off the blindfold and it would be A PILE OF THE BODIES OF MY PREVIOUS VICTIMS my mom made me go to a therapist because of this
frozenfoods: [esteban voice] thees ees a deesaster
claydols: my eyes change colour depending on my swag levels. they are the darkest brown when my swag levels are at a maximum. i have never seen them change
alex-clover-sam: Apparently, jokingly spreading your legs when the dentist says “Open wide” is FROWNED UPON IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT.
teen pregnancy is more acceptable than being gay and that’s really sad
thebbcisslowlykillingme: meulins-choice-ass: whodoyouthinkyourefooling: funfreacksnc: babyferaligator: trying to find a needle in a haystack isnt hard at all like wtf all u gotta do is burn the fuckin hay u are the future find the hay in the needlestack tho Big Magnet. if we ever get off this fucking website we are going to do great things
icouldntfindanyotherusername: fucking-tom-hiddleston: k-lionheart: continualsanitynotlikely: If this gets 3 million notes I’ll make a dress out of these And wear it to the nearest major city SIGNAL BOOST AND IF IT GETS TO FOUR MILLION YOU’VE GOT TO MAKE A TIARA THAT MATCHES. YOU’RE GONNA REGRET PUTTING THIS ON TUMBLR OMG I’VE NOT BEEN THIS EXCITED SINCE THE FLUFFY CHICKEN POST
oh sweet jesus oh sour jesus oh BBQ jesus oh cool ranch jesus oh doritos locos tacos jesus
im like 25% funny and 85% bad at math
There's nothing wrong with sex, people.
claireruns: thechroniclesofrin: - Having sex every day. - Saving sex for your wedding night. - Never having sex. - Having sex with different people. - Having sex with one person. - Having sex with a person of your same gender. - Loving sex. - Hating sex. - Being loud. - Being quiet. The only thing wrong with sex? When it’s not consensual. Because that’s not sex. That’s rape. ...
whorville: I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life
Parents: Don't forget to make us proud
Friends: Don't forget to socialize
Teachers: Don't forget to get A's
Strangers: Don't forget to blend in
Opposite sex: Don't forget to look good
Society: Don't forget to be perfect
Tumblr: Fuck the world, they're peasants. At least you haven't murdered somebody today
Tumblr: But just in case you want to get away with it, here are some tips.
damnyoujacewayland: thetableeveryonewantsatstarbucks: damnyoujacewayland: Hello. Yes, welcome to the mortal instruments fandom. We ship incest, cant pronounce half the words in the books, and adore two murderous lunatics. Have a cupcake. If the cupcake was made by Izzy don’t eat it. You’re not supposed to tell them that. it’s their initiation
Sex is so weird like hey I love you let me stick my hard extra limb into your tiny hole and then slam it into you repeatedly because I love you
graceebooks: men at large feel like they are being robbed of something when an attractive woman with a 90% chance of developing breast cancer gets a double mastectomy what better illustration of the male sense of sexual entitlement do you need